Finding The Past
by Surgery-Girl
Summary: They met and became instant friends with a similar past. Years later, hard times strike and they move in hopes to find a new life and a better life for their kids. When they get here, they find that their past had beaten them there. MerMark, Bang
1. Not Talking

Summery: They met and became instant friends with a similar past

_**Summery: They met and became instant friends with a similar past. Years later, hard times strike and they move in hopes to find a new life and a better life for their kids. When they get here, they find that their past had beaten them there. MerMark, Bang**_

_**Disclaimer: Still don't own Grey's Anatomy.**_

_**Author's note: This is kind of a cross between two of my other stories, Leaving Seattle and Never Able To Forget, rewritten together to make this story! (Don't worry. I'm still writing both of those)**_

* * *

"You could at least pretend to listen." Her friend's agitated voice came, but she didn't look up from the picture she was looking at to answer. "Or out of common courtesy, you should at least let me know I should save my breath, Mer."

"I don't feel like talking." She replied sternly, but not too harshly as she placed the pictured in the box.

"You can't just keep this all…"

"Christina!" She sighed. "Just not now."

Slowly, Christina nodded. "Just let me know when you're ready." She said quietly before turning to walk out.

She sniffled wiping any tears that linger in the corners of her eyes. She could hear the soft talking in the other room, but didn't move to join the conversation. Taking a deep breath, she taped up the box and slid it across the room, so it was out of the way of the movers that would be coming the following morning.

_Her mind was numb as she walked into the new hospital. She tried to put a stop to the memories of the last few weeks, but they seemed so burnt into her mind that she couldn't forget. Hurrying down the hall, she found the place where the chief was giving his speech about the next five years of hell they would endure. She barely listened to his words as her eyes scanned the crowd and could help but wish he was there. She couldn't help but wish his arms would wrap around her. _

_She shook the thoughts from her head as the chief instructed them to go to the locker room to meet their residents... She turned and started to head down the hall when he called. "Welcome to Boston Memorial, Doctors." _

_That's when it all sunk in. She wasn't just going to be a doctor. She was a doctor with a messy past and a secret. Her heart froze as she pushed the door open to the locker room. After a second, she was able to brush the feeling off long enough to find her locker. Sitting down on the bench in front of her locker, she looked around at the interns who were starting up the internship with her. _

"_Nine women out of thirty." She scoffed shaking her head. _

"_Yeah. That's got to help with the whole this is a man's field thing." A doctor behind her said. _

_She needed to know someone in Boston. Turning to face the other doctor, she decided that she might as well make one friend. "Meredith Grey."_

"_Christina Yang." _

_Meredith walked into the cafeteria and sat across from the one and only person she had really had the time to meet between running labs and rectal exams. _

"_How's booty duty going for you?" Christina asked. Meredith rolled her eyes. "At you don't have a stuck up, preppy girl who won't stop whining about what would happen to her cheerleading career if we have to amputate her foot."_

"_That would screw up a cheerleading career…" She sighed. "Well, at least you have a patient that isn't an ass. Not like a jerk kind of ass, but a literal ass."_

"_Hmm…" Christina nodded as they continued to eat in silence. _

"_I don't think I can even stick my finger up another person's ass." She groaned trying to keep her mind from floating back to the dark and twisty mess that her personal life has turned into. But, when she looked back up at Christina, she found her in a daze and staring off into space. "You okay?" _

"_Huh? Yeah. I'm fine." Christina said brushing her thoughts to the back of her head and resuming her conversation with Meredith. She, too, needed something to distract her from her personal life. _

It wasn't for two months later that she got the full understanding of that blank daze that the person who would grow to be her best friend, practically sister, or as they called it her person. It wasn't for another two months that they really got an understanding of what their friendship would mean to one another. And the hell they would endure for the first year of their internship had pushed them to the breaking point, but their friendship held strong.

"Mommy, are you coming to tuck me in?" A small tired voice came from the doorway. She quickly wiped her eyes and glanced over her shoulder at the small boy. His light brown hair fell into his green-blue eyes.

"Yeah, I'll be right there, Sweetie." She smiled lightly.

"Okay." He turned and hurried away back to his room.

She sighed, leaning against the wall as she rubbed her temples. After a few seconds of composing herself, she pushed off the wall and walked out. Her son didn't need to see his mother with tearstained cheeks at such a young age.


	2. Plane Ride

She picked up the last of the clothes and tossed them into the suitcase

Christina picked up the last of the clothes and tossed them into the suitcase. Taking in a deep breath, she looked around at the boxes pushed against the wall.

"Mommy, why do we have to go?" Her daughter asked from the doorway.

She turned and crouched down in front of her. Running her hand through her black, curly hair, she smiled. "Because we need a new start and Allie can get better care in Seattle."

"Hey, Chris?" Meredith called as she came up the stairs, but stopped in the door.

"Is Meredith coming too?"

"Yeah. So are Nicky and Allie."

"Will it be fun in Seattle?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. Nothing is going to change except the city."

"Okay, Mommy."

"Go play. We're leaving for the airport in a little while."

"Good morning, Meredith."

"Good morning, Aubbs." She called as the little girl disappeared into her bedroom.

"What's up?" Christina asked standing up straighter.

"I just got off the phone with Dad. He just signed the papers for Allie's transfer and sent them back to Dr. Chaney."

"Good."

"Yeah…" Meredith forced a small smile.

"You're not okay." Christina said after a few seconds.

"I know." She nodded slowly after a pause.

"We should talk about this."

Meredith let out a sigh. "I know, but I don't want to now. Now, I want to focus on the move."

"Mer…"

"Please, Chris. I don't think I can handle all of this right now. I don't think I can stay strong for Nicky if I talk about this right now."

"Meredith, you don't have to be strong all the time."

"Yes I do. I have children to think of. If Allie were to see me falling apart, she might loose hope. If Nicky saw me falling apart… I don't know. So, please, Christina, just let's get to Seattle."

Christina just silently nodded. Lately, she hasn't been able to help her friend. Their friendship had seen the worst in both of their lives, most of which started before they met. But they had always been able to help each other. Even when Allie got sick, they stuck together and held high hopes together. But ever since the results came back as a negative match, Meredith has been circling the drain, and Christina wasn't sure how to pull her back.

* * *

The plane shook some turbulence causing her to grip tightly on the armrests. Thankfully, the kids remained asleep. Her eyes returned to outside the window. She watched as the clouds slowly floated by. They had been on the plane for what seemed like forever, but had only been five hours or so. The first three hours they had spent keeping Aubrey and Nicky entertained until they fell asleep. After they were settled, Christina started reading a medical magazine and she got lost in her thoughts outside the window.

_She smiled a light smile at him. No words needed to be said. But she still felt like things should be said. Running her fingers through his hair, she laid her head down on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. He intertwined his fingers with hers and kissed the back of her hand. _

"_I love you." He said quietly. _

"_I love you too." She smiled._

_He sighed. "I wish you didn't have to go."_

"_It's just for a little while." She was assuring herself as much as she was trying to assure him. _

"_Why can't you come to New York with me?" _

"_My mom is sick."_

"_Why can't your stepfather take care of her?"_

_They had been over it and over it and the answers never changed. _

"_Because she had Alzheimer's and she can't remember that they're married."_

"_Then, I'll stay here with you." He said once again convince her which, he knew, would be just another fruitless attempt. _

_She stroked his arm. "New York General has the best internship program. Boston Memorial is just opening its program. You deserve the best, Mark."_

"_So do you." _

_She sat up a little and faced him giving him a small smile. "As soon as I can get my mother to a place where she can be alone in a home, we can be together."_

"_I love you, Mer."_

_She kissed him. "I love you too."_

She quickly shook the thoughts from her head. She didn't want Christina or anyone to know she still thought of him as often as she did nearly five and a half years later.

Her eyes turned back to Nicky in the seat beside her. Using her finger, she brushed the lingering strands of hair out of his shut eyes. He was so much like her father in everyway even though he didn't know him. His brown hair was nearly identical to his father's. His green-blue eyes were a perfect mix of his parent's. His smile was a mirror image to his father's.

His twin sister favored her mother's features more. Her honey blonde hair and green-gray eyes were almost exact to her mother's. But she had that damn smile that made her mother melt so many times just like her brother's. She was definitely petite for her size, but Nicky, even at his young age, protected her even though he was only four minutes older.

She tried not to think of Allie for the time being. Even though both her children were always on her mind, she tried to push the last few months to the back of her head long enough until she had the security and privacy of being alone.

She looked over at her friend who was staring blankly at the back of the chair in front of her. The magazine was abandoned and haphazardly laying across her legs. Silently, she wondered if what was on her mind was on her friend's mind too.

Christina was always secluded when it came to her past. She simple found it easier to hate her daughter's father than to feel anything else for him. The last memories of him perished whatever love she would have been able to hold out for him. He destroyed her. She was a strong surgeon who never let her feelings show, and he turned her into a sobbing woman with no dignity left. The only thing she loved him for… The only thing she was grateful of him for was her daughter. She loved her daughter more than anything else. He had given her Aubrey, but he ruined her love life.

She looked down at her daughter asleep in the seat beside her. Her black, curly hair was pulled back into an unruly ponytail. Little strands that had fallen out were plastered to her tan skin. She had the biggest and brownest eyes her mother had ever seen. Whenever she wanted something and she flashed her big puppy dog eyes, Christina caved. Running her hand over the side of her daughter's face, she sighed and looked back out the window.


	3. Seattle

Seattle rain always seemed to fall. Doctors of Seattle Grace knew this well. Stupid drivers always got themselves into accidents. Speeding down slick roads and rolling their cars into trees. The pit was always filled which kept doctors and nurses busy with never ending work.

He walked into the hospital and headed towards the elevator.

"I hate the rain." He groaned as he stepped on.

"Good thing you live in the Rainy City, Sloan." Richard commented.

"It's not like I can leave… you'll miss me too much." He smirked at his superior. Richard just shook his head watching as the numbers ticked by. "So I hear you're leaving early. Hot date?" He asked wagging his eyebrows.

"Sloan." He said warningly.

"Just saying…"

Richard rolled his eyes as the doors opened. "It's going to be a busy day, Sloan."

Mark nodded as he watched Richard walk off.

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The cold air blew the rain against the glass windows of the airport. Cars splashed through muddy puddles. People hurried to the arms of their loved ones. Meeting those who they loved and loved them back. Meredith watched out of the corner of her eye as a tall, strong man picked up his daughter and swung her around as she screamed joyously. He turned to his pregnant wife and kissed her lovingly.

_His lips were so soft and so loving all at the same time. The warmth of his embrace sent shivers down her spine. _

"Mommy?" The voice interrupted her memory. Forcing a little smile, she looked down at her son. "Can't I splash in the puddles?"

Meredith smiled shaking her head as she picked him up. "No not now."

He laid his head down on her shoulder. "Why not?"

"Cause you could catch a cold or something. Plus, you don't want to get all wet do you?"

"Yes I do. So does Aubbs."

Meredith giggled sending a sideways glance at Christina who had Aubrey asleep on her shoulder. "How do you know? Aubbs is asleep."

"Because me, Aubbs, and Allie always love playing in them." He flashed that smile… his father's smile. He didn't notice the change in his mother's demeanor at the mention of his sister's name. "When is Allie coming home?"

"Soon, Baby. Hopefully, soon."

She looked at Christina who was watching her curiously.

"Mer." Christina said quietly. Meredith looked at her giving a small nod signifying she was okay. They all stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds before Christina decided to break it. "God, is he coming?"

Meredith giggled. "Yes, he's coming. It's raining, Chris. You're a doctor. You know what happens to the pit when it rains."

"But it rains all the time. It's the rainy city for god's sake. Shouldn't they be used to it?"

Meredith giggled again. "He'll be here."

"Mama?" Aubrey yawned lifting her head.

"Hey there, Sleepyhead." Christina said.

Aubrey looked around, and her face lit up when she looked out the big windows. "Can we go play in the puddles?"

"See I told you!" Nicky said.

Meredith and Christina laughed.

"Nicky." Meredith said sternly in a warning tone.

Knowing he mother wouldn't do anything, he flashed his famous smile and hugged her neck. "I love you Mama."

Meredith giggled as did Christina. "A way to a mother's heart." Meredith said shaking her head before her eyes returned to the window to see Richard walking across the sidewalk with a smile. He crossed to the door and walked in. "Look who it is, guys."

Both Nicky and Aubrey looked, before shouting, "Grandpa!"

Meredith smiled letting Nicky out of her arms and he and Aubrey hurried over in the direction of Richard.

Richard married her mother when she was seven years old, two years after her real father left their family. He became more of a father to her than her real father had ever been. When Meredith and Christina became very close and they both found out they were pregnant and Richard come out to Boston, he too became close with Christina. Eventually over time as another one of Christina's mother's marriage failed, Richard assumed a fatherly role for her as well. Richard came back to Boston when Nicky and Allie were born. A month later, he came back for Aubrey's birth. He had been there throughout all three children's death assuming the role of grandfather. Even though Christina and Aubrey weren't family, they were never treated as anything less.

By the time Meredith and Christina gather their bags and got over to Richard, the kids were already talking excessively.

Smiling at her stepfather, she wrapped her arm around him and kissed his cheek. "Hey Dad."

Christina hugged him too. "Hey, Richard."

He smiled. "How was the flight?"

"Long." Meredith and Christina said at the same time.

Chuckling, Richard leaned down and picked up Aubrey. "Well, let's not waste anymore standing around. Come on, it's getting to be dinner time. We'll go out and get pizza or something. My treat."

"Sounds good." Christina answered.

"Let's go, Nicky." Meredith said taking his hand.

_**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**If you're still confused… Next chapter, some more will become clearer. Please stick with me.**_


	4. The Truth

"What's wrong, Mer?" Richard asked after a few seconds of watching his stepdaughter stare blankly at the window. Christina lifted her head from a copy of the contract that they would be signing to join the Seattle Grace staff.

Meredith didn't answer. Richard threw a glance at Christina as he walked over. As he rested his hand on her shoulder, she jumped a little.

"Sorry, what?" She asked looking at him playing with the necklace around her neck.

"I asked what's wrong…" Meredith stayed silent returning her eyes to the rain falling from the dark sky. "Come on, Kiddo. Tell me what's up."

She smiled briefly at what Richard had always said to her whenever she was upset. "I don't feel like talking, Dad."

"You never feel like talking, but you're going to do it anyway." He smiled at her. She still didn't say anything. He tickled the side of her stomach causing her to jerk away. "Come on, Mer. You can tell me anything."

"Meredith, we're in Seattle now. It's time to talk about Allie and the results…"

She shook her head. "No, I'm not ready." Tears lined the bottom of her eyes and sparkled in the light.

"Meredith…" Richard started.

"No!" She almost yelled. "I'm not ready to talk about how I'm a bad mother and how I'm not even good enough to save my own daughter." She stared to sob. Richard pulled her into his arms. "I can't lose her. She's not old enough. I'm not ready to let go."

"She's not going anywhere." He said quietly. "She's not going anywhere, Mer. There are plenty of people who beat Leukemia."

"The treatment isn't working. My marrow isn't a match. I can't save my own daughter. I'm not even good enough to save her." Christina got up and sat in the chair beside her taking her hand. "She's not old enough to die. She hasn't lived. She hasn't experienced half of what she should."

"Meredith, you can not give up." Christina said sternly trying to hold her own tears at bay. "She's not going anywhere. The minute you start to think that she's…" She swallowed a lump in her throat. "The second you give up hope there is not turning back. Allie needs you to believe that even against all the odds there's still hope. Allie needs you. Nicky needs you. And you cannot do this. Not now. Not while there's still hope."

Meredith nodded looking over at her friend but still stayed in her father's grasp. Tears started to slow.

"It only takes one donor, Mer. There are billions of people out there, and it only takes one to save her life. There is someone out there who can do just that." Richard whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith nodded. "Thank you both." She pulled back from her father's grasp. "I think I need to go to bed and be alone." She kissed her father's cheek. "Long day tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." They both sighed as she walked out.

* * *

She woke up to the sound of the alarm the next morning. Her eyes were puffy and a light shade of pink as she peeled them open. Today was going to be busy and pretty hard. She and Christina would be going over to their new house, which was her mother's old house that Richard decided not to live in but to keep. Then at noon, she, Richard, Christina, and the kids would be heading to the hospital for the grand tour and the signing of the papers. Allie was supposed to get to the hospital and admitted to Seattle Grace around four.

She could smell the faint smell of pancakes by the time she got out of the shower. Quickly changing, she headed downstairs still towel drying her hair.

"Smells good." She smiled at her father as she walked into the kitchen.

"I figured I'd give Christina a break and let her sleep in some. The kids should be up soon?"

"Yeah." She answered making herself some coffee.

"Long day, huh?"

"Very."

"Well at least we're knocking it out all at one time."

"Yeah, I guess. It will just be good to have my babies in one city."

He chuckled. "Yeah…. So, how's Nicky handling everything with Allie?"

"He's… confused, but understanding as he can be. He misses her…. We all miss her." She sighed.

"I know… But it will get better."

She just nodded remember their conversation from the night before.

* * *

_She looked at him with hurt in her eyes as his words cut her. _

"_Get away from me!" She screamed as tears rolled off her cheeks. She pushed him away for her. _

"_Christina, please." He took a step closer to her. _

"_I said get away!" She screamed pushed him again. _

"_You don't understand."_

_She let out a sarcastic laugh. "I don't understand? You're the one who seems to be having the problem understanding, Burke. I understand just fine."_

"_You wouldn't be acting this way if you understood." He yelled losing his temper._

"_Just get away from me. Get your stuff and go!" She threw the picture of them that sat on the nightstand at him and collapsed onto the bed as it crashed against the wall. "Get the hell out of my apartment and get the hell out of my life!" _

"Christina?" Her words came far and distant as she tried to shake the nightmarish memory. "Chris?"

"Wh… What?" She mumbled.

"Were you having a nightmare or something? You were thrashing around and everything."

"You watch me in my sleep now?" She mumbled burying her head deeper into her pillow. "What do you want?"

"We need to get going soon if you want to have time to check out the house before we go to the hospital."

Christina groaned. "I'm up."

"No you're not. You're still lying here. Lying is not up."

Her eyes opened and she glared at her friend. "I'm getting up."

"Alright… I'm leaving. But you better be downstairs soon or I'm leaving without you."

"I'll be down in ten minutes." She sighed as Meredith walked out.

Sitting up, she let out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding in. She didn't think of him often or at least tried not to, but she didn't want Meredith to know that she still did think of him regardless of her persistent argument that the only thing he ever was good for was her daughter.


	5. Watched?

They pulled in front of the house. She looked over at Meredith to find her playing with her necklace. That was her tell. Whenever she played with it she was nervous, scared, or upset. She had that necklace ever since before they met. She never bothered to ask where she got it or why she wore it everyday. But it was as likely that she would wear that necklace as it was that there would be a tomorrow.

"You ready?" She asked after a few seconds and Meredith hadn't made a move towards the door.

She ran her fingers along the locket once more before nodding. "Yeah… it's just a house."

Pushing the door open, she stepped out onto the concrete driveway and headed up to the porch.

"Have the key?" Christina asked.

"Yep." She answered withdrawing the key and opened the door swiftly.

Meredith stepped in first and looked around the house. It seemed to be exactly as it had been over twenty-five years ago. The furniture sat covered in their original spots. Dust covered all the surfaces.

They walked around only making a few comments about the cleaning they would have to do.

"We can deal with this." Christina sighed.

"Just add a little more stuff."

"And hire a maid service." Meredith giggled. "You think I'm kidding? You know I hate cleaning."

"We'll definitely look into it." Meredith nodded before looking at her watch. "It's eleven thirty. Richard has the kids at the hospital… We could just go meet them now?"

"Whatever…"

"Oh, please. Like you aren't excited to get back into a hospital." Meredith laughed sarcastically before turning and briskly walking out.

"I have been very good about not complaining." Christina argued as Meredith locked back up. "But now that you bring it up… I am dying to get back into an OR."

Shaking her head, she followed her friend to the car.

* * *

The last time she was in Seattle, over twenty-five years ago, Mercy West had been the dominate hospital in the area. Seattle Presbyterian wasn't far behind in the running, and Seattle Grace was still under construction. Her mother had worked at Mercy West as a resident with Richard when she and her mother left Seattle. But by the time as Meredith approached the end of her first year of her internship, Seattle Grace was booming and at number one in the nation. About two months into her internship, New York General, the former number one, closed down due to major structure problems pushing Seattle Grace to the top.

"What are we doing?" She asked coming up next to her friend.

"Checking out the new residents. I heard they're chicks. Chick, Izzie…"

"You're such a pig, Alex." She rolled her eyes. "Derek! Mark!" She called when she noticed the two of them walking coming out an office further down the bridge.

The men looked up and walked over.

"What's up, Stevens?" Mark asked.

"Alex is trying to check out the new residents." She answered before sipping her coffee.

"Are they chicks?" Mark asked Alex.

"From what I hear." Alex said with a smirk.

"We're in." Derek said taking a spot near Alex.

"I need some female friends." Izzie groaned.

"Why don't you go find O'Malley? He's feminine enough to fit the criteria." Alex said.

"You are so annoying. All three of you." She leaned over the railing looking out of the big window that they guys were watching from. "You guys don't even know if they're women."

"But we can dream, can't we?" Mark laughed.

She rolled her eyes again. "I hope they are women. There needs to be more estrogen in our little group thing we have going here."

"Sh… This could be them." Derek hushed.

"You know they can't actually hear us." Izzie said, but nobody was listen. "You guys are impossible!"

"Izz, you're ruining the moment." Alex said without taking his eyes off the window.

They watched as a car pulled into the parking lot and into a spot. After a few seconds, the door opened and an Asian woman got out. She waited by the back of the car until a blonde got out and walked up beside her.

"Yes!" All three of the guys cheered at once.

The two women carried on a conversation the whole way into the hospital and entered through the sliding doors in the lobby below them.

"Shut up." Izzie hushed the group that continued to talk. "They can hear you now."

* * *

"So where's his office?" Christina asked letting out an aggravated sigh as Meredith thought for a few seconds.

"Upstairs I think. At the end of the overpass… Maybe."

"Come on." She groaned as she led Meredith to the nurses' station. "Hi… Um, we're looking for the Chief's office."

"Uh, upstairs and to the right. At the end of the overpass."

"See I told you." Meredith smirked. "Thank you."

"Just go." Christina snapped.

"What crawled up your ass and bite you?"

"Uh, it's nearly noon and I haven't eaten all day. Normally, I've at least had a peanut butter and jelly."

Meredith shook her head as they walked up the stairs. "We seriously need Nicky, Aubbs, and Allie to keep up on track."

They got to the top of the stairs and Meredith looked at Christina. "Is it just me or have they been staring at us?" She whispered.

"Who?" She asked looked around.

"Middle of the overpass… Three guys. One woman."

"Who knows? Who cares?" She said flatly. "Come on, I'm hungry. Maybe Richard can get us something to eat."

"I'm coming." Briskly following Christina, she couldn't help but glance over her shoulder and the whole group quickly looked away. She fought the urge to cover her butt as she walked away.

Not bothering to knock, they opened the door and walked in.


	6. Run Away

"So that's it?" Meredith asked as Richard scanned the pages of the packet.

"That's it." Richard confirmed with a nod putting the contract Meredith and Christina had just sign into the top drawer of his desk. "Now, who's up for getting lunch before our tour."

"I am!" Christina quickly said picking up Aubrey. "You hungry, Aubbs?"

Aubrey nodded enthusiastically.

"What about you, Nicky?"

He too nodded in the same manner as Aubrey.

"Well, it's settled. We can head down to the cafeteria." Richard said standing up.

"Can I have cake, Mommy?" Nicky asked with his smile on his face.

Meredith giggled looking at him strangely. "Cake?"

"Grandpa said we might be able to get cake."

"Did he really?" Meredith asked sending Richard a suspicious glance.

"He said maybe." Richard answered with a smile.

"Can we Mommy?" Nicky asked clasping his hands together as if begging.

"Yeah, Mama, can we please?" Aubrey pleaded to Christina.

Christina glanced at Meredith before nodded. "You guys can get a piece of cake if you eat lunch first."

"Thank you." Aubrey said hugging her mother's neck.

"Thank you so much, Mommy." Nicky said hugging his mother's neck.

"Come on. We better go before Christina dies of starvation." Meredith said before heading out.

* * *

They walked out onto the patio since it wasn't raining and not too cold. Richard offered to get food, but then the kids wanted to come too. Meredith and Christina headed out to find a table.

"So when does Allie get here?"

"Around four."

"Is everything okay?"

Meredith toyed with her necklace. "As okay as it can be I guess… We can, ah, probably move in to the house after we get it set up. But Dad said we can stay as long as need be."

"Guess what I saw on the OR board as we walked by." Christina said enthusiastically after a few seconds of silence.

"What?"

"There was a space with two patients' names."

"So?"

"Well, that's what I though until I heard some people talking about conjoined twins joined at the hip."

"Are they separating them?"

Christina smiled. "From what I hear they are."

"Oh, we so have to get into that gallery."

"Think Richard can pull some strings?"

"Yeah… I hope so. God conjoined twins. We've only been in one case like that."

"The Johnson Twins… One amazing surgery."

"I'm sure it was. I read about it." A voice came. They turned to look at the person who was talking. Meredith recognized the woman from the only one from the group of doctors that seemed to be stalking them. "Sorry, I didn't mean to listen in. Hi, I'm Izzie Stevens."

Noticing Christina scowl, Meredith decided to speak first. "Meredith. And this is Christina."

They both shook hands. When Izzie stuck out hers to Christina, Christina reluctantly took it and gave it a short shake.

"You're the new residents, right?" She asked. They both nodded. "What year?"

"Fifth and final… One more month." Christina said.

"Thank the lord." Meredith sighed.

"So you're from out East?"

They both nodded. "Two of my friends. Mark and Derek are from New York. They're finished their residency already and head of their departments. What specialty are you?"

"Cardio." Christina answered in a prideful tone.

"Nuero." Meredith answered.

"That's cool. I'm a general surgeon resident." She stood up. "Come on. Come meet the other residents and attendings."

"Ah, no it's okay." Meredith said.

"Yeah… we're waiting for…" Christina started.

"Come on it won't take long."

"We'd really rather not."

"Please…"

Reluctantly, they nodded and walked over with Izzie.

"Okay. So everyone…" The four guys at the table looked up at the two women. Meredith and Christina shifted feet nervously. "This is Meredith and Christina, the new Nuero and Cardio residency… almost attendings I guess."

"Alex Kerev…" He gave them a cocky smile causing Christina to roll her eyes as they shook hands. "Plastics resident."

"George O'Malley." He smiled shyly which also caused Christina to roll her eyes. "Ortho resident." He shook both of their hands.

"Derek Shepherd. Nuero Attending." His smile was dreamy and prince charming like which caused Christina to roll her eyes again.

The last one's smile was familiar. "Mark Sloan. Plastics attending."

Meredith froze. Her stomach turned as she pulled her hand out from Mark's. Christina's eyes grew wide as she looked at Meredith.

The other doctor's faces grew curious

"I see you've met some other doctors." Richard said with a smile as he came up behind Meredith and Christina with the kids following in tow. Silently, Meredith turned and walked briskly away back into the building. "What's wrong?" He asked. Christina's blank stare turned from the ground to Richard.

"We should go." She said low and level. "Come on guys." Her voice had become monotone and her eyes were blank. Picking up her daughter and placing her hand on Nicky's back, she led the kids out of the cafeteria.

Richard turned his gaze to the other doctors. "What just happened?"

"We're not quite sure, sir." Mark answered.

Letting out a sigh, he put the tray of food down and followed their paths out.

Mark stared off in the direction that the women, children, and Richard had disappeared in. Meredith looked familiar, but he couldn't quiet place it. He had only known one Meredith in his lifetime. It couldn't be her though. She was supposed to still be in Boston.

* * *

_**A/N: Hey guys. In this story, out east the program is only 5 years long. So when Mark, Derek, Meredith, and Christina transferred to Seattle, they only had to do 5 years of internship while Alex, Izzie, and George had to do all 7. Hope that makes sense. **_

_**So, yeah, hope this isn't still too confusing. **_


	7. We'll Make It

"Richard, I need to talk to her alone. Can you watch them?" Christina said as Richard walked up. She had been waiting for him outside his office.

"What's wrong, Christina?" Richard said with concern in his eyes.

"We have to talk about it later." She passed Aubrey to him. "We'll come find you when we're done."

He nodded still confused. "Just make sure she's okay."

"I will." She watched as he walked away before knocking on the door. When she didn't hear anything, she pushed the door open. Meredith was pacing the room, in tears, and mumbling things to herself. "Meredith?"

Meredith glanced at her. "I think I'm going to throw up." Before Christina could say anything, she ran to the trashcan and emptied her stomach. Christina crouched down beside her and rubbed her back. When she was finished, she fell back as tears continued to fall from her eyes. "He can't be here. No. He can't." She cried.

Christina brought her into her arms to try and comfort her. There were very few time and very few people Christina would hug. But she knew that Meredith needed her.

"Sh… It's okay." She whispered.

"He's not supposed to be here."

"I know. We can get through this. Like we get through everything else. We can do this."

They stayed in the room not talking but just sat there for nearly an hour as Meredith cried. Christina tried to comfort her and the whole time was thinking. _"Oh god, what do we do now? What would I do? What if this were Burke?"_

"Isn't it ironic that all these years Dad has had the father of my children… the man that I fell in love with years ago, working for him all this time?" Meredith said after a long silence and tears had dried up.

"He never knew?"

"Nope… I never told him. He knew that someone with the last name Sloan obviously, but… never his first name."

"And the kids?"

"I don't know, Chris…We should… go find Dad."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"No, but I'm not too okay anymore these days." She answered as Christina helped her up. "I just want to see my kids."

"Come on, Mer. Let's go fine Richard. But get your sunglasses. We don't need any rumors going around the hospital before we even start working here."

Meredith smiled light. "You're always looking out for me."

"Are you kidding? I'm looking out for myself. What would happen to my reputation if everyone thought my person was a cry-baby?" Meredith giggled a little bit despite herself and put on her sunglasses.

"Thank you, Chris."

"Don't worry about it."

Meredith stopped before they made it out the door. "Do you think he recognized me?"

"I don't know, Mer."

* * *

She kept her eyes low as she walked through the hospital. As they turned a corner, she ran into something firm causing her to stumble back a little.

"Sorry." She mumbled still keeping her head low.

"No, it's fine." Mark said with a cocky smirk. Christina looked between the two. He stared down at the other doctor. "Do I know you from somewhere? What did you say your name was?"

"I, ah, have to go." With that she and Christina hurried away with Mark watching her the whole way. "Oh god."

"He doesn't know who you are. He just might recognize from… somewhere."

"Christina, this is bad."

"You have change since you've seen him last right? I mean in appearance."

"Yeah… I mean. Some. But Chris… I can't do this. I have too much to deal with."

"I know."

It was true. Meredith had enough on her mind not to deal with him. Christina had watched her fall once because of Mark Sloan. She wasn't about to let him crush her again.

* * *

They found Aubrey, Nicky, and Richard in the cafeteria haven just finished eating. They were inside this time which Meredith was silently thankful for. She wasn't sure if anyone had seen Nicky if they would have known or seen the resemblance.

"Hey, Sweetie." Meredith said as she picked up her son. "Have you got the call?" She asked her stepfather.

"Mer, are you okay?" He asked with a voice of concern.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Have you gotten the call yet?"

"No not yet. She'll be her soon."

"Guess what, Mama. Guess what, Meredith." Aubrey said in an excited voice.

"What?" Both mothers answered at the same time.

"Grandpa said that he might take us to the zoo soon."

"And there will be monkeys…and… and tigers." Nicky said with a huge smile.

"Sounds like a lot of fun." Meredith said kissing her son's forehead.

"Can Allie come?" Aubrey asked.

Christina and Richard glanced at Meredith before back at the kids. "I don't know, Aubbs." Christina answered sadly. "We'll see when that time comes."

"I miss Allie being able to play with us… Remember, Mommy, when Allie and I played with bubbles, and Allie blew that huge bubble?" He said enthusiastically.

"I sure do, Buddy." Meredith sniffled straining not cry.

"Come on, guys. Let's go check out the daycare." Richard offered.


	8. Memory Of The Last Time

_Her phone rang. Setting down her soda, she fumbled through her purse for it. The house was quiet and lonely and the ring echoed through the house. _

"_Hello?" She answered swallowing the food in her mouth. _

"_Mer?" _

"_Hey, Mark." She smiled to herself. _

"_I was wondering when I would get a hold of you."_

"_Sorry, I've been busy with the internship and all."_

"_Meredith…"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I thought we agreed that after you got your mother settled. You would come back here."_

"_I am, I am. It's just taking longer than I thought."_

"_Mer, it's been a month."_

"_I know. I'm trying, Mark. I would appreciate some support." _

"_We used to always have time for each other."_

"_It won't be much longer."_

"_I miss you, Meredith."_

"_I miss you too, but I can't just leave my mother."_

"_Like she's ever done anything for you." He mumbled. _

"_I know that my mother and I aren't close, but she's still my mom."_

"_I'm not asking you to leave her. I just want to see you."_

"_I'm sorry, Mark. I can't leave her right now. Her Alzheimer's is advancing quickly."_

"_What about us?"_

"_We're still going to be us." Tears started to roll off her cheeks. She loved Mark with all her heart and nothing could change that, but she couldn't just leave her mother. "I love you, Mark."_

"_Then why the hell are you so hell-bent on staying in Boston?"_

"_I would give anything to be there, but I…"_

"_Can't…" _

_She could tell that he was angry. He had never been emotional in the beginning of their relationship. He still wasn't, but when he wanted something. He went after it. _

"_Mark. Please."_

"_I have to go, Mer." With that he hung up. _

_She held the phone to her ear for what seemed like forever after he had hung up wishing he would call back and say that he understood. But it didn't ring as she slowly closed the phone and it dropped to the counter. _

Two weeks later, New York General closed, and she never heard from him again.

"What do you think, Mer?" Richard asked.

"Sorry. What?" Meredith said reframing from letting her tears show. Christina looked curiously at her friend. "Sorry, I zoned out."

"What do you think of the daycare?" Richard asked.

Meredith's quickly scanned around the daycare before giving them a forced smile. "It's great."

"Good." Richard's pager went off. He glanced down at it. "Patricia just paged me. The helicopter called. They're landing in fifteen minutes."

"Come on, let's go." Meredith said trying to forget all about Mark Sloan and her past and tried to focus on her kids.

* * *

Christina had left with the kids to wait in Allie's suite that Richard got special for his granddaughter. Richard and Meredith were waiting in his office for another page before they could head up to the roof.

"Mer, what's going on?" He asked as she stood by the window staring blankly the courtyard below.

"It's not the time to talk about it." She said trying to keep her voice even.

He walked over and hugged her close. She tried with all her might to keep her eyes from producing tears.

"What's going on?" He asked quietly.

"Allie's and Nicky's father is here." She cried turning and burying her head into her stepfather's chest.

"What?" He said in shock.

"Mark Sloan is their father."

He hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Meredith. I had no idea."

She sniffled trying to pull herself together as she pulled back. "We'll talk about it when we get home."

"Okay, Mer. Whatever you want."

"I want my kids. More than anything I want my kids."

"Alright. Let's head up to roof."


	9. Dreaming Big

The rumbling of the engine came from far off in the distance

Alicia Christina Sloan was a special little girl and everyone knew it. She had a light in her eyes that never dimmed even after she got sick. She always a least gave anyone who walked into her room a small smile. Her strength never wavered even when her mother's did. She was an inspiration to everyone who knew her. Her dreams were big, and she always told everyone that she would one day be a great dancer. Ever since she saw a dance recital with her daycare, she wanted to dance. And after all the time she spent in and out of hospitals before being admitted on a long-term basis, she never let that dream die. She had lost a lot of her dirty blonde hair during chemo, but she just wore a pink, purple, and blue scarf that covered what she had lost and let the rest hang down. But nothing discouraged her. She was only four years old and had the knowledge way beyond her years. She kept her mother's hopes high even if she didn't directly notice she ways doing it.

--

The rumbling of the engine came from far off in the distance. Richard stood beside her as she waited for the helicopter to appear across the horizon.

"And her room…?" She asked for the hundredth time.

"It's a private suite."

"With a window? She likes to watch the rain. I… I want her to be able to see the rain."

"With a window." He confirmed. "Mer, everything is ready. There is nothing to worry about."

"Okay…" She sighed. "Thank you."

The rumble of the engine got closer and closer with every passing moment. She watched carefully as the helicopter swayed through the air. Richard stood close by her watching her face closely for any changes. He was excited to see his granddaughter, but he was worried about his stepdaughter.

It wasn't long that the quickly approaching helicopter hovered over the landing pad and lowered itself to the roof below. Meredith and Richard turned their faces away as dust blew around them. Keeping their heads low, they hurried under the blades to the opening doors on the side of the helicopter. Two paramedics ducked out and started pulling the gurney out.

"We'll take it from here." Richard said to the paramedics once the gurney was safely on the ground.

The blanket was pulled over her head as it always was when they wheeled her off of a helicopter. The propellers had always scared her. Once they were safely inside the hospital, Meredith pulled the blanket down off her daughter's face and smiled. Sheepishly, Allie opened her eyes before her face broke into a full smile.

"Hey there, Lady-Bug." Meredith had called her lady-bug ever since she was born. The first time she saw her, her hair was very strawberry blonde. Nicky was born with dark brown hair. By the time they were six weeks old, Nicky's hair had lightened to a light brown, and Allie's hair had changed to it's dirty blonde tone that it had stayed. But the name stuck and Meredith had always called her that.

"Hi, Mommy." She sat up weakly and Meredith took her in her arms hugging her tightly.

"Oh my god. I missed you so much." She kissed her cheek.

"I missed you too, Mommy."

Meredith pulled back. "You are never leaving my sight again."

"I love you, Mommy." She hugged her as tightly as her weakened arms could.

"I love you too, Baby. I love you too." She said trying not to cry.

"Is Christina and Nicky and Aubbs here?" She asked.

"Of course. They're waiting downstairs." She said adjusting her scarf. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Look right there." She whispered pointing at Richard. Allie turned her head and her face lit up even more.

"Grandpa!" She squealed.

"Hey there, Allie." He said as Meredith passed her over to him.

Meredith watched as Richard and Allie interacted.

"Ready to go?" Richard asked looking at him.

She shook her head pulling herself from the daze. "Give me my daughter." She smiled taking Allie into her arms. "Let's go."

Richard pushed the bed as Meredith carried Allie in her arms. They got onto the elevator and went to the floor that her room was on. They then headed to the room that she would be spending the next few months in and out of. Meredith would be able to take her from the room for the day at most. But she was far too sick to return home for anymore than that… just a day. It killed Meredith to have to feel like she was making an appointment to make her daughter happy. She loved her children more than anything, and she hated that Allie's leukemia had gotten so bad. She was definitely not a praying girl, but every night, she prayed. She prayed to God that one day soon that donor would come along and save her daughter's life.

"Allie!" Aubrey and Nicky cheered as Meredith carried Allie into her room. Allie immediately started wiggling around wanting to get on the floor. Carefully, Meredith set her down, stabilizing her weak frame, before allowing her to play with her brother and Aubrey who had always been as much of a sister to her as any that she would ever have. Meredith watched as they quickly went to the bag of their toys that was sitting in the corner knowing that it would be the same story as always. Allie would play and force herself to stay strong to be able to play until her body gave out and she was too weak to do anything else for at least the rest of the day. Even though Meredith, Christina, and they doctors tried to limit her activity, nobody wanted to hold her back from having a childhood. So whenever Aubrey and Nicky were around they tried to reframe from making her rest as much as they could without putting her in medical danger.

"Hey, Allie, where's my kiss?" Christina asked.

Allie smiled and hugged Christina around the neck kissing her cheek. "Hi Christina."

"Hey." She smiled at the young girl before letting her go back to playing as Meredith fell into the seat beside her. "You okay?"

She nodded without taking her eyes off of Nicky and Allie. "I just need them to be okay."

"I know, Mer. And things will turn around."

Meredith looked at her gently shaking her head. "I keep telling myself that and yet… it never seems to."

"Eventually it will though."

Meredith sighed. "I really hope you're right. But right now, I just want to forget Mark Sloan and leukemia and enjoy having time with the kids."

"I agree, Mer."

She looked at her friend knowing that even if she said that, she couldn't. Mark had hurt her so bad and leukemia was killing her from the inside out even though she wasn't the one who had it.


	10. Two Weeks

"Hello everyone

"Hello everyone." A doctor announced as he walked in. Everybody looked up.

"Mer, this is Dr. Jacob Jameson." Richard said. "Our head of oncology."

"Hi, I'm Meredith Grey, Allie's mom." She shook his hand.

"It's good to meet you. I'll be taking care of Allie." He walked over to the bed. "And you must be Miss. Allie. You can call me Jacob."

She smiled and nodded as he shook her tiny hand. "Hi."

"And who is this?" He asked looking down at Nicky and Aubrey.

"This is my son. Allie's twin." Meredith started to explain

"I'm Nicky." Nicky said in his 'big boy' voice.

Aubrey stared at him for a second. "I'm Aubrey." She said quietly.

"She's my daughter." Christina said standing up. "Christina Yang. I'm Meredith's close friend."

Jacob shook her hand. "Are you a doctor?"

"Yes." She gave a brief smile.

"Good… Now, Allie, do you mind if I steal your mom for a minute?"

Allie shook her head. "It's fine."

"I'll be right back." She kissed her daughter's cheek and walked out behind Jacob.

"Follow me." Jacob said leading her into a conference room. "I've looked over Allie's chart from Boston."

"Yeah… The doctor out there said that she might be able to leave in a month."

Jacob smiled. "Well, I believe that if all goes well and we're careful she can go home in two weeks."

"What?" Meredith said as tears came to her eyes. "Oh my god. Thank you so much." For the first time in so long, she cried tears of joy.

"I don't want you to get your hopes to high. With how advance Allie's condition is, it can change in a moment."

Meredith nodded. "But she's doing well now. That has to count for something."

Jacob smiled. "It certainly does. Come on, let's get you back to your daughter."

"Thank you again, Dr. Jameson."

"Please call me Jacob."

"You can call me Meredith then."

They made their way back to Allie's room. Jacob shook her hand once more before walking away. Meredith stopped at Allie's room and stared in. Allie was sitting up in bed narrating a story to everyone. A smile tugged at the side of her lip. Two weeks. The first sight of good news in forever.

--

It was nearly eight o'clock. Richard took Nicky home with Christina and Aubrey. Meredith had decided to spend the night at the hospital. Allie was sleeping. After a hard day, her weak body just gave out on her, and she quickly fell asleep after the kids left.

Meredith sat down in one of the patio chairs cradling a cup of coffee in her hands. Her mind was on other things to the point she hardly realized where she was.

"_It's been two weeks, and he hasn't called."_

"_Just call him." Christina groaned playing with a pen. _

"_He was really mad."_

_Letting out a sigh, she looked up at her friend. "Why are you here, Meredith? Why are you in Boston instead of New York?"_

_She looked at him oddly. "Because my mother is sick and I have to take care of her. I need to get her stable. I can't just leave her. But he doesn't understand, and I love him. I want to be with him… But…"_

"_You can't." Christina sighed shaking her head. "Call him. Tell him that you're not going to be here much longer."_

"_I tried…"_

"_Call him and work it out. Damn it, Mer. You're making this too hard on yourself." She nearly yelled._

_Nodding, she reached for her phone and dialed his number. After two rings, there was a click. _

"_Mark…" She started only to be cut off a recording. _

"_The number you have dialed has been disconnected." _

She wiped a few tears off her cheek and stared up at the moon that was just barely peeking out from behind a cloud. Her eyes scanned the patio that was only occupied by a few people before they settled on the one man who had haunted her thoughts for so long. The man she had always loved. The man who had abandoned her. The man who she couldn't hate no matter how hard she tried.

Their eyes locked for a brief second before she broke them away and stood up. Throwing away her coffee, she hurried away.

He watched as she ran back inside. His eyes followed her the whole way. He knew in his heart who she was, but he couldn't believe it. Taking a long sip of his coffee, he stared up at the moon she had been staring at moments earlier. He stared at it for a few moments before walking away.


	11. Grey?

Shifting in her seat, she tried to get comfortable once more without waking up fully

Shifting in her seat, she tried to get comfortable once more without waking up fully. After a few moments of shifting, she sighed and allowed her eyes to open. They quickly fell on her sleeping daughter. She looked so petite in the bed not that she was ever all that big. Standing up, she kissed Allie's head before making her way into the hall. It didn't take long for her to find the nurses' station. Giving a nurse a small smile, she waited for her to come over.

"My daughter is in room 3104. I'm going to run and get some coffee, could you…?"

"Of course. I'll keep an eye on her." The older woman smiled.

"Thanks." With that, Meredith turned and made her way to the elevator. It didn't take long for it to get there and the doors to open. But what she found is what she dreaded the most. Mark stood on the other side playing with his phone as if unaware of his surroundings. She contemplated running since, as far as she knew, he hadn't seen her, so it wouldn't be a big deal if she inconspicuously decided to take the stairs. But just as she was about to turn, he looked up at her and gave her a brief smirk. The same smirk that used to make her melt. It would be a lie if she said that it didn't have the same or some of the same effects as it had.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped on hoping that he wouldn't recognize her as Meredith Grey, the woman he once said love to. She moved to press the button for the bottom floor but realized that he had already pressed it before she got on. Shifting awkwardly, she waited for the doors to close. He stared at the back of her head, and she could tell that he was. It had always amazed her that she could tell he was looking at her from a feeling that she got in the pit of her stomach.

"You're Meredith, right?" He asked. He couldn't help but try to confirm what he already knew.

"Yeah." She answered as tears lined her eyes.

"Would your last name happen to be Grey?" He asked. The elevator doors dinged at the first floor. She turned to look at him through tear-filled eyes. She didn't answer. She didn't have the strength to. But he knew. After all those years, he could still remember the way she looked when she cried, when she smiled, when she laughed, and so on. Before he could form any words, she was gone.

--

She returned to the room puffy-eyed trying to hide the fact that she had been crying. As she walked in, she noticed Allie was still asleep, and neither Richard nor Christina had shown up yet. Once again, she was alone with her thoughts. She took her seat in the hard chairs that sat closest to the bed and stared at her daughter's face. Her facial features were so soft and angelic when she slept. It mesmerized Meredith every time she watched her sleep. Running her thumb over her daughter's small hand, she sighed sniffling hard to keep the tears from running down her face once more.

"_Mer!" Christina panted hurrying up to Meredith, who glumly walked down the hall of the hospital. "Mer!" She grabbed Meredith's shoulders stopping her stride. _

"_What?" She sighed. _

"_Look at this." She shook a paper in front of her face. _

_Snatching the paper from her hands, she looked at the front page. "What is this?"_

"_Just read." She flipped to the second page and set it down on the counter of the nurses' station. _

"_New York General closed earlier this week. We just got word that it will not be reopening their doors. Staff will be spread across the country other hospitals of their choice. They…" Meredith's voice faltered as tears came to her eyes._

Shaking the thoughts from her head, she returned her eyes to her daughter. There was a knock at the door and looked up at the resident that she remembered was Alex.

"Uh, hey." She stammered.

"Hey, I need to check on your daughter." He said.

"Aren't you a plastic surgeon?"

"Yeah, but I was the on-call resident."

"Oh…" She moved away allowing him to move around the bed.

"What's her name?" He asked.

"Alicia… Or Allie." Meredith answered with a smile.

"Are the two kids Dr. Yang was with yours too?" He said trying to make small talk.

"One of them is… Nicky."

"Twins?"

"Yeah."

"They're cute."

"You have any?"

"No?" He shook his head. "Too busy."

"So was I… but when they came, I made time."

"Well, she's doing well."

"Good." She sighed giving him a small smile.

"Good. Well, um, I'll be back to check on her later."

"Thank you."

She watched him leave relieved that he hadn't picked up the chart where Allie's name was written. Alicia Christina Sloan.


	12. Getting Worse

It was nearly one o'clock when Allie fell asleep again

It was nearly one o'clock when Allie fell asleep again. Christina had stopped by earlier that morning before taking Nicky and Aubrey to the park and out to eat. They was trying to keep their lives as normal as possible while Allie was in the hospital.

Allie seemed so sick that day, so Jacob decided to run another blood test. The days normally held uncertainty to if Allie was getting better or worse, but today Meredith had a sinking feeling. It was just yesterday Jacob said that she could go home in two weeks, but he was looking at older labs. After today, the idea didn't even seem conceivable. She was so tired and so weak. Meredith knew something was wrong. She sat in fear of what the results might say.

When she heard the soft knock at the door, she couldn't help but feel her heart break in two. She knew what the results would say before she heard them. The door opened and Jacob appeared in the door way. Bringing herself to her feet, she wordlessly walked into the hall pulling the door behind her. Allie didn't need to hear the words that were about to be said.

"What did they say?" She finally said.

"Her white count is high." He sighed solemnly. "She took a turn for the worse."

It didn't take long for the tears lining her eyes to spill over onto her cheek. She felt like a rug was pulled out from under her feet, and she was about to fall to the ground. She didn't have anyone to catch her.

"We have to increase chemo?" She cried.

"A bone marrow transplant would be the most effective."

"I… I'm not a match."

"What about her father?"

That's when realization hit. No matter how much she had been hurt by Mark, no matter how many unsaid feelings there were, no matter their situation, she needed his help. Their daughter needed her father in a different way than every before. "I don't know." She whispered.

"Alright, let me know, okay?"

"Thank you." She tried to keep herself together as she shook his hand and he walked away. Turning, she walked back into Allie's room to find her awake. She tried to hold back her tears, but it was getting harder and harder as she stared at her.

"Mommy?" Her soft tired voice came.

"Hey, Lady-Bug." She returned trying to sound as normal as possible.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." Forcing a smile, she stood over the bed looking down on her. "Everything's fine."

"Why are you crying?"

"Don't worry about anything, Sweetheart." She consoled kissing her daughter's cheek. "Everything is going to get better, I promise."

--

She didn't bother to knock on her father's office door. A few tears that she was too weak to hold back rolled off her cheeks. Pushing the door open, her eyes met with her father's first without glancing around the room.

"Dad?" She choked out.

"Meredith…" He stood up, and for the first time, she looked around only to find Mark sitting across from him. She instantly froze. "What's wrong?" He moved to his daughter's side ignoring Mark completely.

"We'll talk later." She whispered before turning and walking out. Mark leapt to his feet and hurried to the door watching the direction he was going.

"Richard, I…"

"Don't hurt her." He looked at his boss and nodded. "Go."

Giving his boss a nod, he hurried after the only woman he ever loved. He spotted her hurrying into the staircase. He followed after her taking two stairs at a time.

"Meredith." He yelled. "Mer, please."

He got to the door she had disappeared out only to catch her going into a patient's room. He slowed his pace to a walk. But, just as he neared the door, his pager went off. Groaning he looked down at his pager to find his patient was coding. After checking the room number, he turned and ran in the opposite direction.

--

It was nearly seven before Mark got the chance to get upstairs to the room again. He too the stairs trying to decide what he was going to say to her if she were in that room. Richard, who had turned out to be her father which was still a shock to him, had left the hospital early of personal reasons, but when Mark saw him leave he was walking out with Meredith's friend, Christina, and the two kids that always seemed to be with them. Since Richard decide to leave, he left Mark and Derek in charge, not trusting one of them to run the hospital, but together he knew they could do it. Busy with surgeries and chief duties, he hadn't got a chance to go up and try to see Meredith.

Still unsure what he was going to do, he stopped outside the door collecting his thoughts. Meredith had spent the whole night going through the conversation in her head. How was she going to tell him she loved him let alone how would she tell him he has two kids and needs his help? She held her sleeping daughter's hand hoping it would give her some of her strength. She wondered if she should take the blue scarf she had fallen asleep in off, but she didn't want to disturb her peaceful sleep.

The door opened startling her slightly. Lifting her eyes from Allie's face, hers was met by Mark's blue eyes.


	13. Diner

His eyes went between Meredith's face and Allie's

His eyes went between Meredith's face and Allie's. He shifted from foot to foot unsure what to do. Sure he expected a person sleeping in the bed, not a child. She pulled herself to her feet holding onto the bed for support. Her legs felt like Jell-o. Her heart was beating like crazy. And butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. Put those all together and she felt like she was going to throw up. She didn't know what to say. All she knew is the man she loves was standing less than ten feet away, and his daughter, whom he has never met, was sleeping in the bed in the same room. His daughter who has leukemia. His daughter who was fighting for her life.

She knew she had to talk to him if not for herself than for Allie and Nicky. But how?

"Meredith." Her name rolled off his tongue just like it used to. He looked as handsome as he always had. She stared at him for a long time. His hair was graying, but he worked the look well.

Taking a deep breath, she rubbed Allie's hand. "We… we need to talk."

He just nodded as she walked past him trying to hide the tears that were starting to form along the rims of her eyes. She walked down the hall leading him to an empty on-call room. Thoughts ran through her head a million miles per hour. She didn't know what to say or what to do.

Mark shut the door behind them and sat down on the chair across from her. She played with her fingers avoiding his eyes.

"Meredith…" He said after a couple minutes of lingering silence.

"I don't know what to say." She admitted rubbing her eyes roughly. "There is so much going through my head. He nodded in agreement sitting forward in his seat.

"Do you want to go get some dinner? And talk?" He asked.

"I can't… My daughter…" She tried to explain but had too much trouble stumbling over words. Finally, her eyes met his. "But, I can go get Dad. He can watch her. Meet me in the lobby in fifteen minutes."

He nodded as she walked out.

--

He looked up when he heard footsteps coming his way. She was walking towards him with her bag over her shoulder and wearing a long black jacket. He stood as she approached him with a smirk playing his lips. She returned a small smile.

"Ready?" He asked picking up his laptop bag.

"Yeah." She nodded.

He led her to his expensive car and opened the door for her. She slipped into the comfortable seat and set her bag between her legs on the floor. After shutting her door, he walked to the other side of the car and slipped in behind the steering wheel. Meredith's eyes didn't move from the window shield as he started the car and started towards the exit. He glanced over at her every few moments. She just stared out the window deep in thought until he stopped in front of a small diner. Before she could get out, he opened the door for her and helped her out. They walked into the diner in silence and were sat near the door along the wall of windows across from each other. They didn't speak until after the waitress came and ordered.

"So…" He said.

_Her laughter flowed out of her mouth. She thrashed around as he tickled her stomach. _

"_I hate you." She squealed. _

"_You love me." Bending down, he kissed her lips lovingly. She wrapped his arms around his neck as he pulled her into the sitting position. His lips trailed down her neck as a smile broke on her lips. She tried to hide it as she pulled away from his lips. He raised his eyebrow at her. _

"_I'm punishing you."_

"_For what?"_

"_For tickling me."_

_He pouted. "I thought you loved me."_

"_I hate you."_

"_Love you too, Babe." He chuckled pulling her closer._

"God it's gotten so awkward between us." Meredith sighed.

"Yeah." He flashed one of his notorious, McSteamy smiles.

"I'm immune to that you know."

He chuckled as she broke out into a smile. "No you're not. You never were."


	14. Hit With A Ton Of Bricks

She took a deep breath and tried to relax against the booth, but it didn't seem to help. His eyes were settled on her. His smile didn't falter neither did that little sparkle in his eyes that made her smile like an idiot.

"It's really, really great to see you, Mer."

"You too, Mark. God, how did we get here?"

Allie flashed through her mind. She knew what she needed to do. Her daughter… their daughter was getting worse.

"What do you mean?"

"Here. Where we are. We used to be Meredith and Mark."

"Yeah." He sighed sitting forward making his jacket tighten in all the right places. "Seemed like just yesterday."

"Yeah." She scoffed. "Over five years ago yesterday. Seems like everything has changed… but nothing has changed. Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "Like everything in our world is different, but sitting here across from each other is exactly the same."

She took another deep breath and let her eyes shut. "Mark…?"

"Hmm?"

"I need your help."

He looked at her oddly. "With what?"

Tears lined her eyes by the time she opened them again. "Please, just understand… I am so sorry." She watched as his eyes turned confused as he shifted slightly in his seat.

She needed to tell him. She knew she did. He not only had a right to know, but the kids had a right for him to know. And Allie needed his help. And if for nothing else, she needed him to know.

"What's going on, Mer?" He asked quietly.

"I'm going to start from the beginning. Just… please don't interrupt." Slowly, he nodded in agreement. "When we were together in New York, I was the happiness woman alive. Then my mother got sick, and I had to leave. I thought it would be… three or four weeks. Then New York General closed and… you never called. I waited and waited, but you never called…" She watched him stiffen as his eyes saddened. She stayed silent for a few minutes. "I can't do this. I can't… I… God, I'm going to puke."

"You can tell me anything, Mere."

Tears now cascaded down her cheeks and soaked into the material of her shirt. "I was pregnant when I left New York. I.. I didn't know until after New York General closed. I wanted to tell you so bad, then you didn't call and I… I didn't know what to do. Then Christina found out she was pregnant, and she had nobody… and I had nobody. We were alone and pregnant. We didn't know what to do. Then Nicky and Allie were born, and Aubrey was born. And we were stuck. We didn't know where you and Burke were. And they are so much like you… They are so much like you. And Allie's sick… And she needs you. They need their father." She sobbed as her shoulders shook violently. Everybody in the diner was watching as she tried to explain, but everything came out as a jumbled, rambling mess. She stared at her hands as tears continued down her cheeks. When she finally dared to look at him, he just stared at her. His face unreadable. His eyes vacant of all emotions. His breathing slow and evening. But at the time, it looked like a truck just drop a thousand pounds of bricks onto his head. He was obviously not expecting this.

_**--**_

_**Short update, I know. I just didn't want to put everything in one chapter. Suspense. Got to love it!**_


	15. Superwoman

"Please say something." She begged with a shaky voice, but it was as if he didn't hear her. He just stared at her with the same unreadable expression. "Please." Part of her wanted to run. Part of her wanted to stay. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. When his mouth closed once again, her nervousness hit another level. "Mark?" His eyes moved to meet hers, but he didn't say anything. As a tear slid down her cheek, she took the napkin off her lap, put it down beside her, and slide off the chair. His eyes didn't move from where she had been sitting. She stared at him for one more second searching for the right words. "I really am sorry, Mark." Grabbing her bag, she turned and hastily walked out of the diner. As if her exit didn't even register, he just sat there and stared where she had been sitting. It wasn't for another minute that it was like all realization hit.

"Damn it." Angrily he slammed his hands against the table making the dishes rattle. Pretty much everyone in the diner looked up at him. He glared at anyone daring to meet his eyes as he looked around. Standing up, he pulled a hundred out of his wallet and handed it to the waitress the money not caring how much it had really cost. "The rest is a tip." He mumbled and hurried out leaving a grinning waitress and shocked bystanders. When he looked down the street, he didn't see her anywhere. When he got in his car and started in the direction of the hospital, he didn't see her either. Since she would be on foot and wouldn't be able to get too far a head of him, he figured she grabbed a cab back to the hospital to be with her daughter… their daughter. He knew he should go to the hospital and talk to her more, but as he neared the turn off place to go to the staff parking lot, he couldn't bring himself to turn. He drove right past it. He drove past the patient and visitor parking lot. He drove past the emergency bay. He just continued to drive as the hospital disappeared in the background.

--

After paying the cab fare, she climbed out of the back and scanned the parking lot. She didn't see Mark's expensive care anywhere. Sighing, she wiped her eyes trying to make it look as if she hadn't been crying the whole time. Sure the cab ride usually would have been ten minutes, but she had him circle the block a few times before letting her out. As she made her way into the hospital, she knew she was catching eyes. She was one of the new residents, and she was well aware that she probably didn't look all that pretty right then. Silently, she made her way to Allie's room.

The small lamp by the bed was on giving Richard a faint glow to read by. Allie still slept in the bed unaware of what was going on around her. She was innocently waiting for her mother to make everything better just as Meredith had promised her every night. She innocently waited hanging on every word Meredith said believe against all odds her mother was strong enough to make that promise be a reality. Allie and her brother always told her she was superwoman, because she was a doctor. She could save anyone. She could make everything better. When he heard Meredith footsteps, he looked up and brought himself to his feet. He could tell by the look in her eyes that something had changed. They were in a whole other playing field now. And by the tears that lined her beautiful green eyes, this playing field was no longer in their favor. Since earlier that day when she walked into his office practically in tears, he hadn't gotten the chance to talk to his daughter except when she asked him to watch Allie. But when she stood in her office that time, she had hope in her eyes. Now, all that hope was crushed, and devastation nearly overflowed form her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her as Meredith crumbled in his arms. Sobs shook her body with such force it nearly shook him too.

"She's getting worse, Dad." Her voice was a shaky whisper. "She's getting worse, and Mark isn't saying anything. I can't save her. I keep promising her everything will be alright, but nothing… nothing is alright." She stared at her sleeping daughter with blurry vision. She was so peaceful. As if the world couldn't hurt her. But her body was so fragile and pale. Her hair was thin, and her cheeks were lightly sunken in. "I can't make everything alright."

"Don't talk like that." He tried to hide his shaky voice. "Don't… Please, don't."

"I… I… I can't be superwoman." She sobbed.

"Listen to me Meredith." He said in the strongest whisper he could muster up. "There's a lot of things in this world, we can't control, and we don't understand. But you sure as hell can do this. You can be their superwoman if you try. That's all they ask of their mother. You will be their superwoman if you don't give up."

She just nodded holding onto her father for dear life. "I… I will."


	16. I Want The Past

It had been two hours since she left Mark in the diner. She hadn't heard or seen him in hours. Part of her wished she wouldn't. She hadn't fallen asleep at all since Richard left. She just lied in the bed Richard so graciously offered. Tears rolled off her cheeks in waves. Every now and then she'd find the strength to stop them, but they always came back with a vengeance. Her eyes moved from the window to Allie every time she made a noise in her sleep. Finally, Allie seemed less restless, and she was able to focus on her thoughts. She stared longingly out the window as if it held the answers to all the problems. As if right outside the window was the cure for leukemia and the ability to make Mark come back to her and her children.

She didn't hear him or pretended not to when he stood in the doorway. His eyes moved between the two beds. Meredith was lying on her back staring at the ceiling deep in thought. And his daughter lied restlessly in bed. Even though her hair was thin and her body looked so frail, she still was the most gorgeous little girl he had ever seen. Tears rushed to his eyes. How could he be so stupid? His daughter was sick, and he hadn't been there. He had chosen to run when his relationship with Meredith became tough. Now, his daughter, who he never got the chance to get to know, was fighting for her life. He wiped a tear that had slipped over the rims of his eye.

Sadness overtook his whole body. Slowly, he made his way into the room. His eyes shifted from his daughter to Meredith. Tears filled his eyes. Usually, he would fight them off, but right now, he didn't have the strength. She didn't notice him until she moved her eyes over to Allie and her gaze caught his. She slowly pulled herself up so she was resting back on her elbows and stared at him.

"Can we talk?" He whispered in a shaky voice.

She stared at him for a second. Her eyes lingered over his for a few moments before she nodded and slipped out of bed. He sniffled hoping to rid his eyes of the tears that were forming more and more rapidly in his eyes. She slipped on her shoes and gestured for him to follow. He wordlessly followed her to the nurses' station where he told a nurse to watch Allie then to the elevator. They didn't speak as they rode to the first floor and headed to the cafeteria. He followed her outside and sat opposite her at a table. She tried to avoid his eyes as long as possible as they sat in silence.

"I'm sorry, Meredith." His voice sounded nothing like the strong man in front of her. Instead, it sounded shaky and full of sadness. She glanced up at him and gave him a small, quickly fleeting smile.

"It isn't your fault." She tired to assure. Her voice was just above a whisper.

"Yes it was. I…" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I thought I had lost you. When New York General closed down…" She felt her heart break as his words hit her. She wasn't exactly sure why. Could she have prevented all this by not going to Boston to be with her mother? "I don't even know. I was hurt and confused. So… I came here." By the time he ended he sounded so emotionally drained. Silence hung in the air for a few minutes.

"You never lost me." She whispered. He looked at her. Their eyes were interlocked as if they couldn't force themselves to look away. He was never one to show his emotions, but his eyes were filled with a sadness she had never seen. Slowly, she reached out and squeezed his hand.

"I want us to be okay." He whispered. "I want to be there for you and the kids."

She gave him a soft smile. "It's going to take some time." He nodded giving her a small smile.


End file.
